The Preparation for Passing

My husband and I met with an attorney to put together our Living Trust. Both of us experienced issues after the death of our parents that made the grief of losing a loved one even more complicated. We are hoping to avoid some of that mess for our own kids and leave directions on our wishes should we be unable to voice them.

Our ‘package’ included the Trust, Will, Power of Attorney, Advance Directives, and Release of Protected Health Information. I now feel like an actual grown-up…who is prepared to die at any moment. I miss last week when I was a child that would live forever. In actuality, however, I am at the age that my father started having heart attacks and my mother began having strokes. This would be known as “not winning the genetic lottery,” which many be only fair since I did win the “surrounded by love and acceptance lottery.” I’ll take my chances with the circulatory issues.

So, if you are getting prepared for the inevitable, here are a few things to consider before you meet with the attorney so you don’t end up having the “oh, we didn’t think about that” look that my husband and I did.

1. Who gets the goods? Pretty easy answer if you have children and like them all equally. We do and so they all get a third…unless we spend it all, and then they just get the dogs.
2. Who will be the Executor or Trustee? I would recommend a serious discussion on this one before you arrive. My husband and I had the exact same person in mind when we discussed it which made for an easy decision. I feel like we should have made a formal request over dinner for something so big but fortunately, our person was good with a text request….as long as I was willing to reciprocate. We are now joking about who will die first and who will be left with the mess.
3. Who will be the Executor if the first Executor dies? We were totally unprepared for this one but again looked at each other and voiced the same name! Be aware that you need a second choice. You, again, may want to ask in some formal manner as opposed to our method of, “Hey…if I die, Eric dies and our first Executor dies, would you be willing to be the Executor-in-Waiting? Oh…and what’s your middle initial?”
4. Who gets the goods if everyone dies? This was presented as “Say your entire family is on a plane and the plane goes down and no one survives…where does the money go?” I think this one solidified that Eric and I are pretty much on the same page with all things related to death since once again…even under the stress of being unprepared for the test…we had the same answer. We’re still working on the matters of the living but man…we are bonded in the afterlife!

There were a few more questions related to the Advance Directive and Power of Attorney but the biggies are listed above. What we did not discuss, however, is how we want our remains to be packaged. I have offered several options for consideration.

1. Spirit Pieces creates a paperweight out of ashes. Beautiful and functional – obviously a good choice.
2. The Living Urn allows your ashes to become part of a living tree so you can shade your loved ones for years to come…as long as they continue to water you.
3. Eternal Reefs allows ashes to become part of a “permanent environmental living legacy” and while this is beautiful, I still have a childhood fear of being underwater, so probably not the best option for me.
4. There were a variety of cremation jewelry sites that allow loved ones to carry a piece or actually, thousands of pieces, of you around their necks. This one weirds me out a bit.
5. Fredric Baur, the inventor of the Pringles can, was buried in…a Pringles can. I’m not a huge Pringles eater, but my ashes could be buried in a Starbucks cup. It may need to be a Trenta.

So while the topic may be morbid to some, I can tell you from personal experience, not planning anything will not delay the inevitable. It will only make it harder on your loved ones when you pass. Hopefully this has given some food for thought.

Since I often have Sunday Poetry days, here is my poem for this week and topic.

Last Words

Don’t waste money on a funeral
When my time has passed away
Save the money for a party
And gather all around to play
Or take a trip to Ireland
Or other places that I love
And see me in the memories
Of all the things I told you of
Don’t waste a minute fighting
About which casket would be best
Just put me in a cracker box
When you lay me down to rest
Don’t drag the kids on Mother’s Day
To see me among the dead
Talk about me at the table
When you’re eating meals instead
You honor me with living
Not with a hard headstone
I’m not there where you put it
I won’t be laying there alone
I’ll still be all around you
Not only in one spot
So don’t waste a single penny
Buying me a fancy plot
Dear ones, please remember,
In life and still in death
My love goes on much deeper
Than to my dying breath
So don’t put me in a casket
Don’t lay me in the ground
Save the money for a party
And gather all my friends around