The Problem with Sweatpants

I got on the scale recently and wondered “how did I get here?”

Have you ever watched the people on My 600-Pound Life and wondered how they got there? Do you not also think, “Did you not see a problem when you passed 300?”  I reread an old blog and was re-enlightened to why this happens.  It sneaks up on you. I realized a few years ago that the fault lies in…sweatpants. Hear me out.

One day you come home from work and change into your jeans. It’s a great time, coming home from work. You can take off all of your professional attire, remove any constricting underclothing that is aiding in your fight to look thin and let your body breath for a moment.  You then reach for your favorite jeans – you know, the ones that feel like an old friend – worn in and welcoming.  Ahhh, but on this day, your jeans are not so welcoming. They fight going on, and since you refuse to actually lay down to get them zipped up, you leave some shallow scarring on your abdomen in the fight with the zipper. But, finally, after a bit, they comply and accept you into their soft embrace. They stretch out a bit and you go about your business. The next day, you tell yourself that you only wore them for a few hours so they are technically still clean. They fit fine. All is right with the world.

Then you wash them. All havoc breaks loose again. The next day when you come to the welcoming acceptance of your jeans, they once again rebel…worse than the last time.  It’s an all-out war.  The zipper refuses to join sides and remains inches apart – like two sisters not speaking after a fight.  This time you have no choice, you lay down to zip them up. You’re depressed and to help yourself forget the battle, you eat chocolate. How this is supposed to help you get your jeans zipped up, I haven’t figured out. I can tell you from experience. It doesn’t.

So….the next day comes and you return home from work. You look warily at the jeans and you once again wear them slightly dirty but technically clean. They still feel a bit snug but overall bearable. You wash them again.

The week continues. You have a horrible day at work. You yell at the boss “Fire Me!” He doesn’t. He does, however, avoid you for a week and hopes that whatever hormonal thing you have going on will resolve itself before Corporate visits. You come home. You look at the jeans and know that you just can’t take it one more day.  Your emotional state is fragile…at best…certainly not capable of taking on the zipper fight.  You search and find…..your sweatpants. I’m not talking about the yoga pants that reveal every anomaly that you’ve tried to hide. I’m talking Hanes! How welcoming they are. How stretchable is the waistband and best of all….there is no zipper! Life is wonderful. You have pants that fit.

Suddenly a week has gone by and you notice that you no longer look for your jeans every evening but are now seeking the solace of your sweatpants on a daily basis. And this is where it starts…the answer to how you suddenly look at the scale and think what happened?  You gave in to the sweatpants.

I’m going to take mine off now and find my jeans. Or maybe I’ll take that one on tomorrow.