The Year of Life Lessons

We are heading into the last quarter of 2019. It’s been nine months since I unexpectedly lost my job in December. It has been eight months since I was hired to pick up my faculty and students and work towards approval of the teachout and seven months since we started teaching again. My husband and I started working a business together six months ago. Throughout the year, we have also been helping a family member that has struggled with addiction. To put it bluntly, it’s been a hell of a year…a year of struggle, but also a year of life lessons. Here is what I’ve learned in the past 12 months (since the fall of my employment really started in 2018.)

1. Never reassure anyone on situations that are beyond your control. I truly thought that our campus would survive the incompetent company that had purchased us three years earlier. I told many students and staff that our school wouldn’t be closed…we made too much money for the parent company. And then…we closed…and my students lost their schooling and my faculty lost their income, two weeks before Christmas. The guilt was overwhelming but taught me an important lesson. I have no control of things that go on above me. I can only reassure others on those things that I have personal responsibility for.
2. Some of the hardest situations reap the most benefits. Pushing through the initial “no” that we heard when requesting a teachout was discouraging. It took a lot of effort to continue contacting the state board of nursing to push our desire to see our students finish, and contacting my students and faculty to keep them motivated. When we finally received the yes, I was able to let go of some of my guilt. It felt good to see our first two cohorts of students not only walk in graduation but almost every one of them passed their NCLEX. It also felt great to see my talented team of instructors back to work…together.
3. There may never be a “good time” to make a change. When I was approached about taking over a business of an ailing colleague, I was very focused on the teachout. It hit me a month later, that there would never be a perfect time to start something new and Eric and I jumped in with both feet. I now love our business and the chance to work with my husband. After I’m done teaching, it will support us full time. I shudder to think that I almost let the opportunity pass by!
4. We can never truly walk a mile in anyone else’s moccasins. I have struck the opening of “if you would only just…” from all conversations. I remember looking at friends who were dealing with family addiction issues in judgement while thinking that they should ‘just’ do this or ‘just’ do that. And then it happened to us. I realized that there is no ‘just’ anything when it comes to addiction…and while we could get advice from people that have dealt with similar issues, each family is different and each situation has its nuances. I read recently that even if we could walk in someone else’s moccasins, we would take different steps,with a different gait, and at a different pace. I understand that now…and I don’t judge anymore. We’re all doing the best we can.
5. There is power in realizing that we are powerless. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but it’s true. I had to realize several times that I’d done all that I could. In each of those moments, I just sat…and prayed…and gave in to knowing that I was powerless….and each time, things started happening, but not due to me. Other people took hold of things that I couldn’t do and I was truly able to watch miracles happen. During the closure, I watched Glendale Career College step in to help our RN students. Our Dean, Debbie, asked them to take the VN students as well. She held more power than I did – and she used it to help my program. Without GCC and Debbie, I would have never been able to help my students finish school. Another example: I watched someone reach out to our addicted family member when I could do nothing more. This person grabbed hold and refused to let go and had the experience to make them listen. A life was saved that day. I had to realize that I can’t fix everything, but that doesn’t mean that it may not get fixed. I just may not be the answer…someone else is.
6. Even in the crisis, there are good moments. Don’t let them pass by unnoticed. This year has been crazy but not without it’s high points. Our sons family moved ten minutes away, which allows us to take our Grandson every Sunday. Eric was able to retire and stop driving three hours a day to work and back. We’ve made new friendships and deepened our old ones. Our boys have grown closer. We were able to attend the retirement ceremony for one of Eric’s favorite commanding officers, who had achieved the rank of Rear Admiral. We had a yard full of roses due to continued care by our neighbor, who also keeps us supplied in Zucchini. And the list goes on…

So it has been a hell of a year, but one that I wouldn’t trade. My priorities are different than they were nine months ago. My enjoyment of little things has grown. My ability to shake off minor inconveniences has flourished. I feel more in control of myself while realizing that I have little control of anything else…and maybe that’s the best lesson of all.

2020 is looking promising.